Adjourning

           The post for this week examines the fifth stage of Tuckman's Stages of Team Development, which is adjourning (Abudi, 2010). I have been involved with several groups where the adjourning stage was very difficult. The aspect of the groups that made it difficult to say goodbye are the personal ones because, although I enjoy working with individuals that bring their unique strengths and perspectives to the situation, it is the human attachments that are the hardest for me to loose. This stage of team development looks specifically at the well-being of the team, and focuses more on the emotions than the concrete successes that the team has experienced (Abudi). 
           I do think that high performing teams are the hardest to leave because they have learned to know each other, to trust each other and to rely on each other (Abudi, 2010). This leads to stronger relationships and better outcomes and makes it harder to move on because not all teams reach this stage, and once you have experienced, it you want it for all of your team experiences. I also think that teams with the clearest norms are the most successful because the work becomes about the project and isn't focused on individual goals (Abudi). This is also good for the relationships of the team members because there is a sense of collaboration instead of competition, and the team members trust one another.
          I had one group that was particularly hard to leave because it encompassed all of the aspects of a great team: leadership, clear norms, high performance from each member of the team, and a deep sense of respect and trust. We worked hard, were enthusiastic about our mission, and had a great time. The larger organization did some revising, and because each member of the team was seen as strong team player, they disbanded the team and sent each one of us to work on another group that wasn't working as well. There were several consequences of this. First, we didn't get a chance to have an adjourning, it was foisted upon us and we were expected to pack up and move to start work at the new location the following Monday. This was so abrupt that several members of the team experienced physical ramifications. Second, although we were great individually, what made us really wonderful was our team. Each member did okay at their new location, but no team was ever as strong as the whole group of us together. Third, we lost trust in the larger organization because they didn't let us say good-bye to each other and wish each other luck as we left for our next adventure (Abudi, 2010) We still talk about it when individual members see each other, even though it's been over ten years ago.
           The closing ritual that I enjoy most is getting together one last time, away from work, to socialize, celebrate, and plan a way to keep in touch. I think that whatever else the adjourning stage consists of, it needs to be determined by the members of the group and not an outside party. Often members of high performing early childhood groups end up working together again on other projects, and when groups are allowed to adjourn in their own way, each member of the team can decide how connected he/she wants to stay with the other members. I realize that there are only a few weeks left before I start the coursework for my emphasis; there are some members of my Walden cohort that will go in a different direction and I won't be able to correspond with them again. I imagine that adjourning will need to take place via technology. I think that this it a good time to say farewell and good luck to all of the wonderful people that I have met in this experience, and if you are ever in Utah please look me up!! 
     



Abudi, G. (2010). The five stages of team development: A case study. Retrieved (November 30, 2013) from http://www.projectsmart.co.uk/the-five-stages-of-team-development-a-case-study.html

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Communication During Disagreements

           The assignment for this week was to think about a disagreement that has happened recently in my life and what tools I have used to resolve the conflict. The conflict that comes to mind is one with a colleague of mine at work. We are both passionate people, and sometimes we disagree about the direction that projects should go. We are also have very different personalities and ways of doing things; I am comfortable with spontaneity and see things from a global perspective where she is detail oriented and feels more comfortable with thinking everything through carefully.
           We recently put a few strategies in place that have helped our communication. We are doing an Action Log where anything that happens regarding our project is written down and shared so that no one is caught off guard. We are also meeting for a few minutes after other office meetings to touch base and catch up. These are good examples of the 3Rs in action (Laureate Education Inc., 2013). They show respect because they honor both of our processing styles, they are reciprocal because it gives us two places to have our voices heard, and they are responsive because it keeps us connected in a way that moves our work forward. She has expressed her appreciation to me for my efforts, and has explained that clear communication helps her feel less ambiguous.
          Today we had a moment when there was a conflict about a discussion that was happening. I took it as an opportunity to to use two additional nonviolent communication skills that I learned about this week-empathetic listening and honest expressing (Center for Nonviolent Communication, n.d.). When she made a comment that seemed aggressive to me, instead of filing it away and letting it fester, I calmly explained to her that I felt uncomfortable with her comment. I asked her to listen to me and I listened to her, and we worked through the issue. I think this is important because little miscommunications can build up over time and cause big problems later on. I loved the quote from The Third Side website (n.d.) from Lao-Tzu that says, "Confront the difficult while it is still easy; accomplish the great task by a series of small acts." Being mindful of communications and working toward effective interactions daily is the most effective way to solve disagreements and keep the lines of communication open!  



Resources:

Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). Foundations of nvc. Retrieved (November     

           25, 2013) from http://www.cnvc.org/learn/nvc-foundations

 

Laureate Education Inc. (2013). What are the 3 R’s of skilled dialog? Retrieved    

           (November 25, 2013) from http://class.walden.edu/webapps/portal/frameset.jsp

 

The Third Side. (n.d.) 3s skills. Retrieved (November 25, 2013) from

           http://www.thirdside.org

 

Communication Evaluations

This week, one of our assignments was to evaluate ourselves on how we listen, how verbally aggressive our communications are, and how comfortable we are communicating. I asked my husband and a colleague at work to evaluate me too...and this is what I found out. 

1. I appear to my colleague to be very confident in all of my communications, which really surprises me because he has heard me say many times that I have an idea but I am not able to articulate it well. He has also heard me express anxiety about a presentation that I was doing at a national meeting. I guess he was more focused on the outcomes (I eventually get my point across and I did really well on my presentation at the meeting) than he was on how I was feeling about it. The truth is that I communicate a lot (I am an extrovert) but I sometimes worry about what I have said.
2. I appear to my husband to be more concerned about speaking to large groups than I do small gatherings. This surprised me because I LOVE to train and present to groups, and large groups don't usually bother me at all (okay...with the exception of the presentation at the meeting). It's the small groups that bother me more, but not when it's small groups of friends and family, which is the context that he sees me in.
3. My husband, my colleague, and I all agree that I am people-oriented listener, and that doesn't surprise me at all. I care a lot about other people and how they are feeling, and I could totally relate to part about having difficulty with judgment because of being over trusting. All in all the three evaluations were pretty close.

The first insight I gained from this is that I like the kind of communicator that I turned out to be. If I heard someone describing me as "a people oriented listener, who is usually comfortable in her communications, and is respectful but firm when interacting with others" that would be okay with me!  The second insight is that I don't have an unrealistic idea of the type of communicator that I am, and it makes me glad to know that my efforts to be a good communicator are evident to others.

The one thing that I notice is that my communication begins to suffer when I let my emotions get too involved, and although I am pleased with the general outcome of these assessments, that is one area I'd really like to work on. In my personal work, I can use the information from the assessments to assure myself that I am on the right path to becoming a competent  communicator, while remembering to keep my emotions in check.

Communicating Differently with Different People

          I do communicate differently with different people in different situations. I use self-monitoring to determine how I should present myself (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012). The three strategies that I use to decide how to communicate, both verbally and non-verbally, are listening, watching, and asking questions. I then present myself in a way that helps me fit into the environment through self-presentation (O'Hair & Wiemann).
          Three specific environments where I do this are family, friends, and work. In my family environment we are typically more comfortable with each other in our communication styles. However, if someone brings a new person to family gatherings, I am on my best behavior until I know how comfortable they are with the loud, sarcastic, and sometimes colorful language that happens at family gatherings. With my friends, I am always myself, and openly express my true feelings, attitudes, and beliefs regardless of who is included in the social gathering. I do this because I expect that my friends have a clear understanding of who I am and what I am like, and they would not bring new people into the situation if they would be uncomfortable around me. I also feel that if they are going to be a friend, they need to get to know the real me! However, I do use my self-monitoring skills, and if I notice that someone is uncomfortable with my communications, I can reign myself in. At work I am constantly using my self-monitoring skills, because different situations allow for different types of self-presentation. When I am in a meeting with the colleagues in my office I am much more relaxed in my communications than I am in a room of state leaders, legislators, and stakeholders. In these situations I dress, speak, and act as formal as the most formal person in the room. When we have all gotten to know each other better, the communication often relaxes.
           I am concerned about acting appropriately in social situations, and I do have the ability to play a variety of roles depending on the setting. I think that using good listening and watching skills, and asking questions when needed, we show respect for the other people around us and communicate a desire to build positive relationships.

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. (2nd ed., pp. 

          55-56). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.   

Non-verbal Communication

Our assignment this week was to watch a television program with the sound turned down so that we could pay attention to the non-verbal communication to determine the relationship between the characters. Then, we needed to watch the show again with the sound turned up to see if we were right. The show that I watched is called 2 Broke Girls and I have never seen it before. The two main characters were a blond and a brunette. The blond did most of her communicating verbally, which I could not hear, and the brunette did a lot of non-verbal communication. It was clear that the characters knew each other well, and it seemed to me that the blond was more in charge. I based this on the fact that she approached a third character while the brunette stood back, she sat down first in an unfamiliar setting and then the brunette sat down, she zipped up the front of the brunette's uniform when her cleavage was clearly bothering an older character, and she appeared to be coordinating a meeting between two people while the brunette was playing around. When I watched the show with the volume up I realized that the brunette was actually the stronger of the two characters, and that her constant vocalizations and physical movements were effects to make her character seem more flighty. I realize that I made these assumptions based on the fact that those who are "in charge" in my world usually do more of the talking and coordinating of activities. If I had been watching a muted show that I was familiar with l I would have been more focused on the story because I would already know the relationship between the characters, and wouldn't had to rely on non-verbal communication to help me establish what was happening.

Effective Communicator

Our blog assignment for this week is to identify someone who is a competent communicator. The person that I have chosen is my supervisor Kristin. There are several things about her communication style that I admire and would like to emulate. 

1. She is a great listener. It is very clear that when you are telling her something she is giving it her full attention and not trying to think ahead or twist the conversation around to make it about her-two communication techniques that I do not admire. She asks clarifying questions and makes sure that she has a clear understanding of what you are saying before she responds. These listening skills are effective because it shows genuine interest in what the person talking has to say. I want to model this skill because I believe any communication where the parties feel as if they are really being heard is more productive.
2. She is brief, to the point, and straightforward. She has the ability to gather her thoughts and articulate what she wants to say very succinctly. She is not afraid to speak her mind and make decisions. This makes it very easy to understand what it is she is saying and what it is that she needs or expects from me. This skill is effective because it makes information clear. I want to model this skill because I believe that people listen better to short, clear statements. Long diatribes that "beat around the bush" cause messages to sometimes get lost.
3. She uses reflective dialogue techniques and facilitation skills. She recognizes that there is a great deal of expertise in our group, and she uses questions and guiding statements that help us work together to get things done. These skills are effective because it allows input from all parties involved in the communication and keeps the conversations moving in the right direction. I want to model these skills because makes the time that we spend together communicating meaningful and valuable, and on task.
4. She doesn't personalize communication challenges. She understands that people don't always agree with what she has to say, but she doesn't get bogged down by the emotions of the communication. She sticks to the facts and continues to communicate even when that communication is difficult. This skill is effective because it keeps communication moving even when people disagree. I really want to model this skill because I know that emotions can derail conversations. Separating passion and fact is valuable and allows everyone involved in the communication to feel safe about continuing the conversation.

Professional Hopes and Goals

            As this class draws to a close, I am asked to reflect on one personal hope that I have for myself in regard to working with children and families from diverse backgrounds, and one goal that we have for the Early Childhood field related to diversity, equity, and social justice.

            My hope is that I can make each child and family that I come in contact with feel supported and celebrated for who they are and where they come from. My goal for the field is that courses like this one are offered for all early childhood professionals-in trainings, college courses, conferences, etc.

This work is so valuable and having opportunities to talk about diversity and learn from one another is the only way to prepare the teachers to work with the children on social equity. We must lead by example and advocate for this work; it will make a difference!

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. Margaret Mead

 

            Thank you all for walking beside me on this journey to learn more about diversity, equity, and social justice. I have learned a lot from all of you and I wish you well on your next adventure.    Carolyn