This week I am creating a space on my blog that is dedicated to 5 people who nurtured me, and helped me become the person I am today. This picture shows my family systems web, and how many different things influenced me as a child. I need to begin by saying that all of this took place during a very specific time; Salt Lake City, Utah, USA from 1963 to 1981. A great deal of who I am today has to do with the time and place where I was born and raised. I lived in community where we were taught to be respectful of religion, government, and authority. A high value was placed on education, and we were fortunate never to have to want for the basics of life. During this time I interacted with five people, or groups of people, that influenced me greatly.
The first person is my mom, Donna. I was her first child and she often said that she waited 14 years to get me. She taught me to be my best self, that I have the strength and the intelligence to be anything I want, and to overcome every obstacle. She sees every day as a gift and lives life to the fullest. When my first grade teacher told my mom that I was a talker during a parent teacher conference my mother responded that she was glad because children with a lot of verbal skills are brighter. I am tenacious, brave, and can see the good in every person and every situation because of her. She was the light and the rock of our family as I was growing up, and continues to be so today at age 85. She is still the first person I call when I need advice or support, and she feeds our entire family dinner every Sunday night. I am still inspired to be my best every day because of my mom!
The second person is my grandmother Vivian, who I called Mum. She had several grandchildren, but she always made me feel like her favorite. Whenever I needed to feel special, or have one-on-one time with someone, I would call my Mum. She was the best tickler, story reader, card player, lunch buddy, and confidant. I would even walk to her house from the University when I was a young adult to spend time with her. She taught me about unconditional love, and how important it is to embrace who I am. As I got older, I learned that she and I have had many of the same struggles in life, and I think she knew that we had that connection. She passed away when I was in my thirties, but I still feel as though she is watching out for me and reminding me how important love is.
The next person is my sister Nancy. She is my younger sister, but in so many ways she is a mentor to me. She came into this world as a very wise soul, and she possesses many of the skills that I lack. She is very calm, and has the ability to think things through carefully. When we were young, she could talk to me and calm me down when I got emotional. She is also very smart.When we were little she would play elaborate games with me and help me think through problems. I could rarely outsmart her, even though she was almost 4 years younger. She has never tried to be anyone but who she is, and I have learned not to let other people rock my boat because of my sister. She recently adopted a new baby and bought her own business, so she continues to inspire me today by taking on challenges and living an authentic life.
The next person is my 6th grade teacher Mrs. McQueen. She cared about me and made me feel special at a time in my life when I needed it. 6th grade is the time when clicks begin to form and the boys start noticing that the girls don't have cooties. I was not popular and no boys were following me around the playground. I had already decided that I wanted to be a teacher, but Mrs. McQueen was an example of what I could be. She always had kind things to say, she asked for my help on things, she valued my ideas, and she told me that I would make a wonderful teacher. One day, a few years ago, I had the opportunity to re-connect with her. I was sure that she would remember me because of the special way she treated me, but she did not. At first I was disappointed, but then I re-examined the situation. If she treated lots to students the way that she had treated me, there were many lucky people out there who had her to thank for their nurturing school experience. I still use the gifts Mrs. McQueen taught me when I am working with child or adult learners.
The next influence actually came from a group of friends. We were drawn together through school and religious groups, but the bond that was formed is stronger than any other in my life-outside of my family. Scott, Rob, Curtis, James, Audrey, Linette and I were always together from Junior High until we graduated High School. We knew each other's secrets, we had each other's backs, and we loved each other deeply. I learned about loyalty, trust, and understanding from these friends. When one or more of us where out of a job, the others pitched in money for food and fun. When someone was struggling in school, those that did better in that subject helped them out. We loved each other through the difficulties of youth, and the heartbreaks of adulthood. The beginning and ending of marriages, the loss of two children, the birth of many others, the death of several parents, and ultimately the loss of one of our group. Some of them I see more frequently than others, but we are all still in touch in one way or another. I feel that deep connection when any of us are together and know that they would do anything in their power to help me if I needed it. Their caring and support through life's ups and downs has influenced my desire to connect with others and realize that relationships are the foundation for everything else.
